a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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