i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
