She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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