My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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