I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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