Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
