Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize