i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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