Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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