First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
