You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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