I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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