i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
