She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm like, not good at living.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
