why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
