this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
