You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
