rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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