Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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