We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
