i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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