i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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