why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
