Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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