I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
