Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Randomize
