Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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