i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
