Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
