I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
