haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
