if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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