So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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