a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
