After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
