There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
