I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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