i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
