He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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