Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
