Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
