Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize