so explain again why im purple
no
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
