I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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