I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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