Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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