I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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