i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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