God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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