She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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