CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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