Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
