He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
