I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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