Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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