Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
