I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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