So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
