im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
