The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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