btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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