But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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