If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize