she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They have beer where we have blood.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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