nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
