I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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