I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
