The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
