i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
