Please, let me fuck your mom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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