she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
