I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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