oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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