Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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