It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
