My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
