He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
