how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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