We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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