I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
