Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
