is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
