You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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