his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
