How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
