Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
