No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
