So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's always time for handjobs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
