my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
