How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
