Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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