Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
