I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
