Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
