Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
