You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
