I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
