The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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