she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
