I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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