So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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