I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
