its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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