It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
