Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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