Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
