Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
