Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
